Ramblings of an insane veterinarian

Not going to rant your kind ears off this time although to quote an old favorite movie of mine, "The situation has not improved..." First, thanks to all for the kind and encouraging words regarding "Rantings..." I appreciate hearing from you. This post is started to give an update 'cause I FINALLY (now that the internship is almost over) managed to do a couple of the "touristy" things I've been wanting to do.

One of the techs took me to the Metropolitan museum last Wednesday. We barely scratched the surface of all the wonderful things there are to see. The day started with me wandering slowly, in awe, from room to room and gazing at each individual object. It's impossible to go through in a logical and orderly manner, by the way, I think they have deliberately designed the place to make you miss things. I developed a distinct fondness for an Egyptian wooden whip handle carved to look like a horse and really enjoyed the wooden dog with real teeth and tongue that opened his mouth when manipulated. As the day went on, suddenly it was announced they were closing in 20 minutes!!! What happened to the time?? We had not even made it to the second floor due to my gawking!! The 20 minutes became a mad rush practically running from room to room to see some of the "favorites" that we had not seen and, of course, the way out when official closure was announced was the long way to see yet more. You really need a couple of days to see the whole thing if not more. This is a reason to visit NYC, for those of you who have not. Doubtful that I will manage to steal time to get back before I leave but that, coupled with a few really good friends I've made while here, actually gives me an incentive to visit again (never thought I'd say that!)

Yesterday, one of the original intern group that I started with who did not get to finish due to crazy red-tape mumbo-jumbo took me to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. This is also a must see. It is amazing and awe-inspiring. Did I mention that I'm proud to be American? Don't claim that we've always been right and never did stupid things but I love our country. It worked out really well since she had to go to work that evening we left early, rode the ferry to the Statue and walked around for a while. Found out that you have to get tickets 2 weeks in advance in order to go inside and since our plans had been hatched the night before around 11p.m. that was out of the question. We then rode to Ellis Island and poked around the museum until she had to go. All admission is free but you do have to pay passage out ($12, I think). I would strongly encourage you to visit there as well; it was mind-boggling to get a glimpse of the past and imagine what the immigrants must have seen and felt. Someday, I hope to return when I can plan in advance and go inside up to the crown (which I think is opening again in July this year).

I was afterwards abandoned to navigate the crazy public transportation system alone and get back to where I needed to be. I'm not fond of public transportation; suppose it's a good idea but I'm very attached to my car and the independence it affords. I'm sure it won't surprise those who know me well when I say I don't enjoy being at the mercy of others. Found my way safely back, very exhausted and promptly collapsed into sleep rather than working on packing and cleaning the apartment like I should be doing. Especially since my crazy landlady is at it again demanding a rent check when our agreement said that my deposit covers the last month's rent and she has already received notice...If I pay, I'll never see my deposit because I know she'll find some excuse to keep it and I can't afford that with moving expenses.

Couple of other things to ramble about then I shall shut up and go back to bed since I'm on overnight tonight. I really don't like feeling as if I cannot trust anybody. I've always been a bit of a reserved person and it takes a while for me to open up to anyone but, with the exception of a tiny handful, there is no one here that I can trust. One of the overnight techs has made a weird comment a couple of shifts in a row asking if "we have anything for a migraine." I've told him more than once we only have ibuprofen in pharmacy for human use and my suspicious, cynical little mind thinks he's hinting for something to the point that I'm uncomfortable handing him a prescription of tramadol to hand to an owner. (I'm the only person on overnights with pharmacy access). Additionally, I feel that I have to be really careful what I say in front of anyone because it is likely to get reported with a different slant than how it was said. I'm usually pretty tight-lipped but it's actually harder for me on overnights because with exhaustion comes delirium and a tendency to lose some of my typical filter. Why can't people just treat each other how they want to be treated and not be such back stabbers?

The other interesting, and disturbing, phenomenon that has disrupted my life of late is weird dreams. They are most likely a product of too little sleep, too much stress, and too much to do but I have had dreams and premonitions in the past that have come true and these just won't stop. They all involve a particular friend and they haven't typically been really bad, just mostly a feeling that I am needed to help for some reason. Except that last night I dreamed of death. Which is one reason I'm still awake at the moment. They've all been disturbing enough to wake me and make it difficult to go back to sleep for a little while so I have to get up and do something to shake off the stress. I've contacted the friend and been advised everything is fine and I don't want to keep pestering but I can't help but be concerned. And this from a person who is usually very nonchalant moving through life and does not tend to worry.

My last comment is that I've seen an awful lot of cases of late that have a very simple diagnosis; AFU, pronounced A-foo in my world. We all know what this means and it appears in a variety of guises from congestive heart failure to renal failure (or combo) to atresia ani in a 100 gram kitten... Really stinks when you get on these types of runs but what blows to me is when some of the doctors are not honest enough with the owners to bluntly (but kindly) tell them the real prognosis. If an owner chooses to go ahead and attempt treatment with that knowledge, that's one thing but if they are not adequately informed, I feel that we are being criminal. At least in veterinary medicine we do have the option of "humane euthanasia." Don't know that I advocate it in human medicine because my cynicism says that it would be horribly abused (just as it is all too often in vetmed) but there are times that I am definitely thankful for the option--much as I hate that part of my job (I'm always in tears and usually a wreck unless something requires my immediate professional attention).

I think that is all that I will say for now since I really need to go back to bed. Four more overnights in a row then one more in a couple of weeks and that's all! Change rotations Monday and that will be my last 3 week rotation. I just keep telling myself I can do this but I keep thinking of an old country-western song where the cowboy is traveling through a blizzard and dies at the end "only 100 yards to MaryAnn's..."