Insanity

I get very scary, even to myself, when I'm really tired; I've always wondered what other people, even people who know me really well, would think if they had the experience of being around when I'm that loopy. I hope I can blame all of my recent behavior on exhaustion - otherwise, I'm really worried about what is happening to my brain!

I've also determined that I am psychic in some way, shape, or form. I have known this for quite some time but unfortunately, the ability is not reliable at best. (And, no, for those of you who know me, I did not mean to say "psycho;" I know that I am both but in this case I'm talking about the ability to sense things before they happen.)

Those comments are intended to act as a segue into my story. I received a telephone call from my mother last Wednesday night after I got off work with some bad news that necessitated my leaving and going home immediately. Home is a 13-14 hour drive from where I'm at right now and I had been up since 5 that morning then worked all day. Since I'm almost done here, I opted to catch the herd of cats and take them home to leave with my mother for the remaining few weeks prior to my move. By the time I had hurriedly packed, caught cats, loaded all the critters and all the necessities, and actually hit the road it was 11:30. I drove...and drove...and drove. Around 3:30a.m. I pulled off for a quick nap in the truck then was on the road again at 4.

By the time I was within 2-3 hours of home, I was way out there. I decided that I didn't like anyone except my mother and that I would divorce all of my friends since I don't want to have anyone that I need to care about. I was talking to myself (not that this is completely abnormal for me but the conversations were frightening, even to me!) and answering, of course, singing, having discussions with nearby drivers (they were too rude to answer), reviewing bug anatomy (exoskeleton, hemolymph, etc.) as they hit my windshield, talking to roadsigns and billboards, and...I think you should get the picture from that.

The next thing that happened was that I missed my final exit. Things like this do NOT usually happen to me. The road was under construction at that area and I should like to blame that but if I were to be honest with myself and y'all, I would confess that I just missed it. The north bound lane was rerouted alongside the south bound therefore the next exit was closed from the north bound side. I drove 24 miles to reach the next available exit then had to turn around and drive back 24 miles in order to get off the stupid interstate and make it home. One hour later than I should have been, I arrived home at last!

It is now 2:30p.m. CST and I have to face the reasons why I went home. Finally, around 7p.m. I was allowed to fall asleep but only after having an apparently nonsensical conversation with my mother in my sleep of which I remember nothing other than her saying, "What are you talking about?" and my responding, "I don't know, what were we talking about?" to which she answered, "Nothing."

My visit was soon over and I found myself back on the road for this place late Sunday morning. Guess what? I did it again! I missed an exit and went 10 miles (one way) out of the way because I was looking for the wrong road name in association with the highway. Found myself driving along thinking that nothing looked familiar then realizing I should have taken exit 123 but was all the way to 113. More time lost. One would think that might be the end but no, it happened one last time when I hit the next junction and took the east bound highway rather than the west bound... Once again, about 10 miles one way down the drain before I think, "Wow, this doesn't look familiar either..." followed by looking at my compass and seeing that I was heading back east.

Due to extreme forced concentration, I managed not to miss the remaining junctions and exits but it took A LOT of effort - much more effort than it should have required. I found myself looking longingly at motel signs somewhere around 6p.m. but forced myself to finish the trip and arrived back around midnight just to get the critters that returned with me in order, wash clothes for the workday ahead, and fall into bed. I allowed myself to sleep in until 6 instead of rising at 5 as per usual. It didn't help much since I've spent the entire day garbling my words and not feeling that I can truly trust anything that exits my mouth. Even simple facts should be questioned; I stated the concentration of meloxicam, which I've known simply for ages, then second-guessed my accuracy. I told the kids (read students) that they should not take anything I say today at face value but double check it first.

I've managed to explain the scariness of myself but forgot about the psychic thing. That was really brought to mind because over the past 2-3 weeks I have been exceptionally sad and found myself getting a knot in my stomach any time my mother phoned that was an unusual time of day. Receiving the call was unexpectedly expected somehow.

Which brings to mind a totally unrelated comment that I cannot stop (see how frightening the workings of my mind can be?). We use the term "regularly irregular" in an attempt to describe what is heard with atrial fibrillation. One of my friends has dubbed me "predictably unpredictable" for my typical behavior - I like it!

I think that is all I have to say at the moment. Just thought y'all might enjoy the stories of my insanity at least a little bit. Oh, and I have changed my mind for now about divorcing my friends since I am in a slightly more stable frame of mind...