Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I Finally Figured It Out...

Today, it finally clicked why I'm so weird.  Bear with me, I'll have to explain the situation so it hopefully makes sense...

One of my clinic employees (AP) was talking about a dog she adopted several years ago that was probably hit by a car and definitely had brain damage.  The conversation went something like this:

AP:  She would walk around with a head tilt and veer off to the side randomly.

Me:  I can relate, I do that too.

AP:  And she would lick everything in front of her.

Me:  Well, I don't do that...

AP:  She hated to be held still or cuddled or hugged.

Me:  Yeah, I feel the same way!

AP:  Maybe that's what's wrong with you - a head injury!

Me:  It all makes sense now.  When I was a baby, I screamed and cried when anyone held me - they still complain about it even now.  Probably one of my relatives got frustrated with my screaming and tossed me on my head...

Now we know the rest of the story.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Photographs of Time

I'm not sure that there is anything quite so depressing as looking at old photos.  It always strikes me with force the aging changes I see in those around me.  I see the evidence of time that I fail to see as I look on a daily basis.  Changes that make me even more aware of how fragile and brief life is.

Like most people, I have tons of photos - some printed on paper, some on CDs, some on the computer, and some on my phone.  I suppose they are primarily meant to record the good times, to bring back memories of friends and family and happy days.  Perhaps I am depressive or just too pessimistic in general but I cannot seem to get past the reality that the images represent a happier time that is forever lost.  I cannot go back or make those who have passed return or change decisions or even relive the moment without a sense of loss.

Maybe the problem is that I'm in the midst of a less than happy time right now.  I'm not sure because I know the past was not perfect either.  No time is perfect but I rather long to turn back the pages for a while and enjoy a better time.