Most days I can't win

I got a call today from a new client. Said client wanted me to come out and sedate his donkey while the ferrier trimmed his hooves. The conversation went something like this:

Me: How big is the donkey and is he gelded?
Client: Well, he's as big as a freakin' house! And no, he's not gelded, I wanted him to protect my goats! I would never take away his manhood!#$%^&
Me: Well, if he's not gelded he's a lot harder to handle...
Client: I never handle him, so that's not a problem.
Me: But you expect me to stick him with a needle?
Client: Well, you can try! *laughs*
Me: What's the ferrier going to do?
Client: Dodge, really fast! *laughs harder*
Me: *fumes*

What, a DVM is a degree in how to dodge flying hooves, stick needles in speeding objects, tackle my patients, get bitten, walk around in a haze of fur, oh, by the way, the x-ray processor is out can you fix it?

I should have been a plumber. They make more than I do.

Ode to a Lost Soul

The kitten came in last week. He was about 8-9 weeks old. A little black and white tuxedo marked one. His temperature was 92F. He was covered in fleas and his gums were white. Total estimate including a blood transfusion was about $450-700. Owners elected euthanasia. Rest in Peace little one.

My TV Commercial

Sometimes I feel like I should just record some of my more often given talks and just play them while the client is waiting. You know, the heartworm talk, the spay/neuter talk, why you shouldn't vaccinate your dog yourself talk, the food allergy/atopy/flea allergy dermatitis talk, ad nausium, ad nausiom.

It's not very often, however, that I feel like I should record the same talk to the same client.

This absolutely adorable little old lady has a dog who gets fed a little too much people food. This causes him to have gastritis a little too often and not eat. I saw the little guy the first time and put him on a short course of sucralfate and metronidazole. Metronidazole is a drug we use in low doses for it's intestinal anti-inflammatory qualities. Since this little dog weighed about 4 pounds I mixed the pills in into a liquid form for ease of administration and dosing. It taste's very yucky, however, and the client christened it, "That Yucky Medicine" or TYM for short.

I told her about five times during the initial visit what exactly TYM was for, i.e. "Now, Mrs. XYZ, I know it tastes bad, but it calms down the inflammation in the intestines..." We'll call this phrase 1 for ease of typing.

So later that day I get a call from Mrs. XYZ. "Now dear, what exactly does TYM do?" I patiently explain again Phrase 1 and she is happy.

Repeat the next day.
And the next day.
And the next day.
And the next day.

So she stops calling for a few days and I rest secure in the knowledge that her dog is feeling better.

Than she calls back. "Dear, Pookie ate a little chicken today and isn't eating. Should I start him back on TYM?"
"Yes Ma'am," I say. And repeat Phrase 1.
And again.
And again.
And again.

Now don't get me wrong. I really like Mrs. XYZ and she is as sweet and polite as she can be. But I feel like I can start my own record label. It'll be called MedicalGems and the lead track will be titled, "TYM and Mrs XYZ." I could make a fortune, and start a company to record all the usual "talks" that vets give their clients and same them the trouble.

You can than call me Dr. Can'tSpell, millionaire. Yeah right. And I can fly without an airplane, too. Zoom Zoom.

Sundry stuff

I'm sorry to everybody who likes my blog (yes, you three) but I've been in a pretty big rut lately. My boss has been ill and I've been working covering his hours as well as my own. Also, it's been really slow at work (thank you winter and the economy) and not much interesting going on. However, this week I've done more surgery than usual with a couple of interesting ones.

I don't do much surgery. Despite liking it in vet school I had a few terrible episodes right out of school involving huge obese dog spays with loose ligatures and some large pyos, and one memorable... never mind. So it's taken me about a year to get my surgical courage back.

Monday I repaired a prolapse of the gland of the third eyelid (say that ten times fast) using the pocket technique. I've never done this surgery and never even seen one, but went to an excellent CE conference this past weekend that taught me how to do it. It went really well and looked really good when I was done.

Today, I amputated a cat's ear. The inside of the pinna (the part that sticks up) had a nasty fast growing tumor on it that I've cut out once before. So this time, with the owner a little frustrated (understandable) we just cut the whole thing off. That was interesting, I've never done it before. Went pretty well, as well. We'll see how he does the next few weeks.

I also did a cat spay and neuter today. Same old same old, probably done about a hundred or so of those. Took me less than an hour to do both of them.

Hope I have something good to tell ya'll (I used that word on purpose) next time I blog!!!