The following post...

...is shamelessly stolen from a coworker. Some details have been changed to protect the stupid...

*Phone rings*

Me: "Hello, how many I help you?"
Liqured up: "Hi, how are you?"
Me: "Um, ok, how are you?"
LU: "I have a question for you. Dont' laugh- if you laugh I'll sic my cat on you. He's really mean."
Me (trying not to laugh): "Ok."
LU: "Do you know anywhere I can get some cow blood?"
Me: "Excuse me?"
LU: "Cow's blood. I can't catch any fish and somebody told me if I mix my bait with cow's blood I'll catch fish."
Me: "Um, hold on, I'm going to transfer you..."

Gee, starting pretty early, arn't you? Before 8 am....