Have you ever gotten your car stuck in the mud or snow or ice or something? You know, stuck so bad that no matter what you do, all that happens is the wheels spin mindlessly digging a deeper rut. You can't move. You can't turn. You can't do anything. This has happened to me once, so far, in my life. Usually, you see, I'm more of a thinker and planner therefore I think it all out and see the potential dangers and figure out a way to avoid it. The time it happened, I tricked myself because I was in Wonder Woman mode and convinced I could do anything... But this post isn't about getting your car stuck although I've really tried to go off on that tangent. No, this post is about getting your life stuck.
I heard the comment on the radio recently that a rut is nothing more than a grave with both ends kicked out. I don't know to whom to attribute this quote but I thought it had some merit behind it. You know the old proverbial saying between a rock and a hard place? That's where I am.
I think that the polite psychobabble term is to say that I have issues. (As if y'all haven't figured that one out yet...) You know what I find the biggest problem to be? I need just a little time of quiet solitude to face some of these issues and make some decisions. I actually feel ready to deal with some of them (may have been long ago) but I can't seem to stop long enough to work out the problems. Life interferes. The herd needs to be fed, medicated, whatever. Mother needs to be fed, medicated, whatever. The work children need to be babysat. The work boss needs to be babysat. Oh, and I actually need to do my job and earn some money and pay the bills... I know I'm complaining about things that everyone faces on a daily basis but, tell me truly, don't y'all ever struggle with the need to just stop for a moment???
I wish that the world would stand still sometimes during really hard times to give one a chance to steady the equilibrium and face the situation. But it doesn't. So how does everyone else deal with it? Or do they? I feel as if I've been burying my "issues" for eons and they just grow and grow making it an even more overwhelming task to attempt to deal with them and put them to rest. Maybe in an unmarked grave.
Perhaps taking a real vacation would help but right now it is simply impossible. Between mom, the herd, work, and finances there is just no feasible method of taking time off. I keep searching for something closer where I could run away for just a little while but have as yet to come up with any good, affordable options. It has become really difficult to find any time of solitude lately, too, now that mom is fully retired. If I keep letting these things pile up, the size will be of such enormous proportions that I'll never manage to take care of things...
5 days ago